This tour made possible by...

Ain't blasphemy a hoot?

...my 1994 Volvo grocery getter. I'll be putting her up for adoption when I return to Austin.

I should hit 270,000 by November.

Umm...adoption fee negotiable.

Bidding starts at: "Are you shitting me?"

Next car will be one that was built within the same decade I'm currently living. Hopefully. A boy could dream. Most likely my fifth Volvo. I am a fan.

So buy some books, y'all.

Anywho...last night with Mitch Fatel was just splendid. By the way, it's pronounced FAY-tel. Rhymes with "Pray Tell." I've been saying it all wrongly-like for years. Very funny guy. And we had a great, well-behaved, generous Little Rock crowd.

There's a first for everything.

I'm here with Tommy Blaze for the remainder of the week, then it's off to Indianapolis after a quick visit to Knoxville.

Hi-ho,
mario

Austin to Austin...the long way.

Why the F am I going to New Jersey?

It begins!

Sorta kinda.

First I'll be performing in Little Rock, Ar-cole-slaw this week. Then Indianapolis. Then it's off to Jersey for a few days; get some fruit roll-ups from mom; and begin my cross country drive to Portland, where I plan on crashing for a month or so.

Along the way, I picked out cities in which I have friends and family. Generous, loving, sofa-owning friends and family. You know who you are, and I'm coming over for coffee.

I'll be posting plenty of photos and whatnot over the next few weeks, 'cos I know how much you guys love whatnot.

And I'll do my bestest to keep things amusing...Some will hit. Some will miss. Don't judge me.

Here's a MapQuest (non)bullet list of my route:

From: Austin, TX US
To: Little Rock, AR US
To: Knoxville, TN US
To: Indianapolis, IN US
To: Columbus, OH US
To: Califon, NJ US
To: Columbus, OH US
To: Omaha, NE US
To: Denver, CO US
To: Salt Lake City, UT US
To: Boise, ID US
To: Portland, OR US
To: Seattle, WA US
To: San Francisco, CA US
To: Los Angeles, CA US
To: Tucson, AZ US
To: Santa Fe, NM US
To: Austin, TX US

Oof.

If I'm passing through your town--and I like you--gimmie a shout. Then go slip into something a little more comfortable. It's a bit warm for that jumpsuit.

I look forward to meeting you, PDX...and finding out how that translates into "Portland."

See you in November, ATX.........XOXOMDX

Aww it's okay...

...it happens to a lot of plants your age. We can just cuddle. Unless you're hungry. Are you hungry? I can make you something if you're hungry. I don't mind. I have to wash up anyway. Sap...just, everywhere...

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Here's what I think I think...

What the crap do I believe in? Do I have any opinions of my own? Any original thoughts? I am on the fence or indifferent when it comes to so many issues, largely due to ignorance or laziness or both. So let's review what I think I think:

• I think people should be held responsible for their own actions...duh.
  
• I think at this point in time, life now imitates art.
  
• I think you need to know the rules before you break them.
  
• I think the ultimate aphrodisiac is indifference.
  
• I think we start out as good people, but some of us learn to be assholes without the knowledge of being taught.
  
• I think common sense is a dying religion.
  
• I think politicians are whiny, gossipy children.
  
• I think everyone should wait tables for at least one year, just to give them an idea of how despicable some people can be.
  
• I think we learn how to be embarrassed.
  
• I think the human race is getting dumber.
  
• I think there are those who "get it" and those who don't.
  
• I think people, by and large, are hypocrites.
  
• I think people always try to seem smarter then they are, myself included.
  
• I think marriage is an unnatural, man-made concept; hence infidelity. But I still wanna try.
  
• I think we turn to dust when we die.
  
• I think men and women ARE different, and we should stop pretending they're not.
  
• I think attractive people have it much easier than the 'ugly' folks.
  
• I think horoscopes should be used for entertainment purposes only.
  
• I think things do happen for a reason, even if that reason is to make you think what the reason really is. make sense?
  
• I think women should start making the first move.
  
• I think people who genuinely dislike dogs are cold and soulless.
  
• I think organized religion is a crutch that forces people to hobble through life.
  
• I think artists --all types-- are getting lazier.
  
• I think school uniforms are a good idea.
  
• I think the most practical way to hang toilet paper is under the roll, not over.
  
• I think self-awareness is both a blessing and a curse.
  
• I think New York is the worst city to live in if you want to be emotionally content.
  
• I think people who say they're tired of game-playing are just tired of losing those games.
  
• I think moderation is king but excess gets all the attention.
  
• I think blue-collar workers are the backbone of society and white-collars can be spineless.
  
• I think this world would be a friendlier place if everyone minded their own business.
  
• I think relationships are like an emotional game of chicken: you get closer and closer until eventually, someone swerves.
  
• I think that life becomes difficult once you start wanting more.
  
• I think Top 40 music is simple music for simple minds.
  
• I think its high time for a woman to run this country.
  
• I think first impressions can be more misleading than not.
  
• I think fights can bolster a friendship, just like muscle needs to be broken down before it can become stronger.
  
• I think pretty people are most often boring and bereft of substance, which is why they have to marry each other.
  
• I think late-bloomers are the real gems.
  
• I think a verbal commitment should be taken just as seriously as any paper marriage license or expensive ring.
  
• I think weddings have lost all meaning and are now grotesque and materialistic pageants.
  
• I think people should stop reproducing for a while and start adopting.
  
• I think the secret of growing old gracefully is to stay mentally active.
  
• I think fraternities and sororities are just an expensive extension of high school.
  
• I think life experience is more important and impressive than book smarts.
  
• I think job security is a thing of the past.
  
• I think its easy to hate everything.
  
• I think it would be boring if everyone thought like me.

hugs and hickies,
mario

Goodbye. Hello.

Somewhere over the past few years, I have lost my ability to thrive on uncertainty.

I used to dive in without a plan, and it's always worked out beyond my expectations. I jumped and a net would appear. I've gotten too careful, and it's killing me.

I don't have the moo-lah to leave the country just yet, so I'll be spending time in cities I've never spent time in: Denver, Portland, Seattle, Vancouver, whatever makes sense.

If I keep waiting for the right time, it'll never happen.

I'll be keeping this online journal/blog of my travels, if that sort of thing appeals to you.

Will I be taking Oscar? Yes and no. He may be getting a country vacation with my folks for part of the trip. It's tough enough to find sublets withOUT a pet.

Finally, for the armchair life coaches amongst you chanting "You can't escape from yourself," I'm not running away from anything. I'm not trying to "find myself." (ewww) I'm just throwing a stone to get the pool to ripple.

Let's all grab a drink and make out before I leave on August 24th.

many hugs and hickeys,
mario